Dearest Teddy –
I miss you every.single.day.
Some days I think I’m doing well and then some days the grief catches me
off guard and takes me down. Today was
one of those days.
We took down the doggie door today. Looking at it every day was hard. I missed seeing you run out when Lewis and I
would open the big door and you would wait for us to chase you. I missed seeing you stick just your face
inside and when you saw me, you would wait for the big door to open instead of
going through the doggie door. I missed
hearing Lewis say “Teddy quit barking and get in this house right now” just
like I would say while he stuck his little head out your door. I missed hearing the flap close knowing you
were on your way out or in.
And now the door is gone, and it is the hard reminder that
you are too. I sit on the rug by the
door and I sob. I let myself sit in that
pain for a minute but just for a minute.
I have a job to work, calls to make and my family to soon be present for
so I know I cannot stay in this sadness.
As memories of you flood my mind, I turn my focus to gratitude. You taught me so much. I chuckle that some folks may think I’m a
little crazy saying I learned anything from a dog. But it is true. You, my friend, were a great teacher – just a
super hairy one.
Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me to appreciate the little
things in life. The little things you
loved like a squirrel crossing the road, a golf cart ride, a treat at the end
of the day or the windows down in the car.
Those were enough to make your entire day the best. I often get caught up in planning the next
big event or celebration or trip when really, I should soak up the joys of the little
things. I will do better and take in the
little things like my child’s giggle, the beautiful mountain views near our
home, a hug from my husband, or unexpected lunch date with a friend. Our lives are a accumulation of all the little
things really anyway.
Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me the importance of
affection. I remember how you weren’t a
very affectionate dog in the beginning.
You were playful but not the kind of dog to cuddle with at all. I understood that your past of abuse kept you
from giving into that need. But the need
was always there. Over time, as you were
shown affection by me as well as family and friends, you became more open to it
and wanted it more and more. The power
of touch for you was healing. As I
believe it is for so many. A hug. Holding a hand. Sharing a kiss on the cheek. Patting someone’s back. All acts of affection that can soften a
soul. I am and will do this more for
those in my circle Teddy.
Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me to love BIG. I would walk in the door from being gone five
minutes or five hours and you were there ready to shower me with love. All you had to hear was your name called and
you would come running, smile on your face with a wagging tail eager to give. And even though you weren’t shown love
initially in life, you never withheld it from me. You chose love regardless. How often have I held back my love when
someone disappointed me, hurt me or didn’t show me the love I felt I
deserved? You and God have it
right. Choose love always and love
BIG.
Thank you, Teddy, for reminding me that time is
fleeting. Seems odd to write that I am
thankful for that, but I needed the wakeup call. One minute you are playing at daycare, we are
going on walks and running with Lewis and one week later you were given a
terminal diagnosis. Then just three
weeks later you were in my arms as we said our final goodbyes. I am thankful that we had that last month and
at least I was prepared the end was near.
But that is often not the case in this life. Now I tell my family every day I love
them. Your dad and I kiss every morning
before we leave regardless of our mood.
I hug Lewis and tell him I love him at daycare drop off even on days
when we are rushed. I hug my parents
every time I leave their house and end every goodbye with I love you. My friends probably think I’ve turned into
more of a sap than I ever was as I tell them I am thankful for them, proud of
them and I love them. Because we often
aren’t given a warning when our time is up, I’m making sure my tribe knows how
loved they are.
In Genesis 1:24-28 it reads, “And God said, let the Earth
bring forth living creatures according to their kinds … and God saw it was
good.” You were good Teddy … a good dog,
a good companion and a good teacher. You
are never far from my thoughts and forever in my heart. Until we met again my good and faithful
friend. Until we meet again.