A Heart Full of Pregnancy Gratitude

Today is the day.  I will no longer be pregnant and finally get to meet our little man, Lewis Max.  As I’m feeling Lewis’ kicks for the last time in my belly, my heart swells and I feel grateful for having this experience.  While the pregnancy itself wasn't without a few challenges (first trimester or carpel tunnel anyone), it was wonderful and I’m thankful I had the chance to house our baby for these nine months.  As I am set to give birth today, I want to make sure I capture all the wonderful memories I will always cherish about this pregnancy.

1.       The love I feel for my husband.  I already loved my husband, dearly.  But something about those lines on the pee stick made me love him even more.  I knew we were in this together and forever united by this miracle.  He endured three major hormonal meltdowns of mine, was patient, loving and a doting daddy.  From the first time he felt Lewis kick, or selected classical music for Lewis to listen to or reading him Dr. Seus books – I fell in love all over again.  And he did an amazing job of making me feel beautiful by telling me I was daily.  My most favorite memories are when he would leave to run an errand or for work, rub my belly and tell Lewis and me he loved us.  I have no doubt I have the best baby daddy to my little boy.

2.       The bump.  You hear a lot of women struggle with their growing belly because they feel, well just fat.  Initially it was a difficult place to find that acceptance.  Will people know I am pregnant or will they just think I have a beer gut?  But the more I saw this as a miracle and became grateful that a little life was growing inside me the more I embraced it.  No loose fitting clothes for this mama.  I sported the belly bump loud and proud.  It is honestly the most beautiful I have ever felt.  To future mamas – don’t hide that belly.  Show it off to the world.  It is one of the greatest miracles God gives to women.

3.       The mama community.  I wasn't sure it would ever be in the cards for me to be a mom.  I focused on my career and didn't settle down until later in life so I felt my biological clock was always ticking.  From the moment I announced my pregnancy, moms everywhere embraced me and started calling me mama.  I am so grateful for being surrounded by amazing and strong women who also are moms.  My 810 girlfriends, wonderful parents – mine and my husbands, Newcomers women’s group, my work besties and friends from all over have been there every step up the way.  They have shared the good, the bad and the ugly. I have gotten great advice and different perspectives.  They have prayed for me and with me.  These women got me through any rough patches, new mom jitters, anxiety and they've shared in my joy.  For these moms – and you know who you are – you made my pregnancy better and I will always love you for it!

4.       Facebook.  Oh yes I said Facebook.  Social media gets a bad rap.  And sometimes it probably should.  It’s a time sucker, can lead to life comparisons, be passive aggressive – y’all all know the downside.  But for me Facebook was a way to share my heart, my journey, my story with folks I care about but don’t get to see every day.  And I love that I get to share in their journey as well.  I admit that I need people.  I prefer to live my life out loud and share (okay even over share). Facebook allows me to embrace that part of myself.  My journey has been enriched by people all over the place and I never have to lose touch with those relationships thanks to social media.  So I take time to scroll through my Facebook friends photos, laugh at your Elf on the Shelf antics, love seeing your children dressed up for Halloween or their first day of school because it keeps me connected.  And I over posted, took one too many pregnancy selfies and embraced the prayers and support of so many Facebook friends during this exciting time. 

5.       His movements.  This I will definitely miss the most.  I admit to almost sadness that his kicks and flutters won’t wake me up at night or surprise me throughout the day.  It makes the miracle real.  It’s reassurance me that the trips to the bathroom all night, throwing up, lack of sleep, anxiety, etc. are all worth it.  I loved lifting my shirt and watching my entire belly bounce or ripple.  And drink a little orange juice and Lewis would throw a party in my tummy.  The best was when he would hear his daddy play because then the dancing would begin.  I know there are so many women who didn't get to experience this for one reason or another so I know how grateful and thankful I should be.  And I am more than any words on paper could even express.  This was the most beautiful part of my entire pregnancy.

6.       My faith.  This is an area I have really grown in.  I have always believed in and loved Jesus but I haven’t always been especially close to him in the last several years.  This year definitely changed that.  It was a year of good and bad stressors – finding out I was pregnant Mother’s Day weekend, Teddy’s cancer and liver surgery, Stacy’s new teaching job, a move to Huntsville which meant we were further from family, new OBGYN to guide me through pregnancy, my company sold 2/3rds of its facilities and close friends had to find new work, a broken promise, my best friend moved to Huntsville – it was a lot to process.  It was the most out of control I have ever felt in my life but it was also the best.  Because it is the first time, in a long time, that I just gave up and gave it to God.  I prayed more than I ever have and clung to Him to guide me.  And he showed up, not exactly how I would have done of it (of course not right) but he was there every.single.day.  The cool thing is God wanted Stacy and I right where we are – personally and professionally - to raise Lewis.  This year was preparing us for the greatest responsibility and journey of our lives.  God did this.  He made this happen.  And I can’t wait to tell Lewis all about God’s love and grace.

Lessons from the Iron Bowl

I couldn’t watch.  The anxiety and the tension were too much.  What would Saban decide to do?  Could we win it with this decision or would we fight it out in overtime?  I headed to the guest room and literally plugged my ears with my fingers.  Then I saw my mom’s face and knew the worst had happened ….........

Bama lost.  I began packing my things to head to my in-laws.  I was frustrated.  I was mad.  And I was disappointed.  I went back into the living room to see my family all in disbelief except my sister-in-law.  She is an Auburn fan.  She was in shock too and lucky for us she didn’t gloat or throw the win in our face. 

Stacy and I spent our ride over to the in-laws discussing the game and the ride back to Birmingham the next day talking about it.  We decided we were not going listen to the radio commentary or watch ESPN; we were going to move on and remain the loyal, devoted Bama fans we have always been.  And then I logged back on to Facebook.  I read post after post – some positive, a lot negative – and the frustration began to build all over again.

I didn’t want to spend my last evening at home in a bad mood.  I laced up my tennis shoes, put a leash on Teddy and headed out for a jog to clear my head.  I was sure there was a lesson in this frustration I had over the game.  I just had to find it.  And with each pound of the pavement, the lessons of the Iron Bowl came rushing to me.

1.      Be a gracious loser.  This is hard for me.  I was competing at Memory and Candyland as a child.  I do a victory dance when I win at Uno.  Being competitive is in my nature.  But nobody likes a sore loser.  It shows lack of character and I have to hold myself to a higher standard.  So I sucked it up and sent the text to my Auburn friends congratulating them.  I also gave my sister-in-law a hug and told her congratulations.  I sent out the congratulatory Facebook post to all the Auburn fans.  Was it easy?  Absolutely not.  It hurt.  But it was the right thing to do.  And how many times has our mama told us the right thing isn’t always the easiest.

2.      Own your decisions.  In the post-game interview, Saban admitted the Iron Bowl loss was on him and his team.  He praised the team and his coaches. And he shared the areas they didn’t come through. He didn’t make excuses or look to shift blame.  He took responsibility.  He held himself accountable.  He said he was proud of his team but “ultimately the responsibility is mine.” That is the true sign of a great leader. 

3.      Strive for excellence not perfection.  The Bama fans, me included, have been expecting perfection.  We always want a shut out or are disappointed when we don’t score at least 40 points or get angry when a kid on the field makes a mistake.  The reality is no one is perfect.  And the drive for perfection only leads to disappointment.  Alabama has won three National Championships in the last four years.  And those wins didn’t come by being perfect.  There were off games, losses, missed opportunities and bad play calling along the way.  It has been the dedication to excellence that has kept the University of Alabama football program on top.

4.      Support your team always.  I was so angry to hear of Bama fans sending death threats to our kicker, Foster.  That kid needed the loyalty and support from Bama fans more the night of the Iron Bowl then he ever has before.  We can get disappointed and frustrated in a player.  I sure do.  Just ask my family what happens with a sloppy tackle when I’m around.  But the truth is I don’t sweat at practice every day.  I don’t have to get banged up and bruised on Saturday.  These kids aren’t paid to play.  They play for the love of the game, to build a future and for their fans.   And we need to love them when they win and love them even more when they lose.  They depend on us for support and encouragement just like we depend on them for an entertaining game. 

5.      Embrace the memories.  You often hear “oh it’s just a game.”  But not to me.  It’s so much more.  It’s about the memories we make each year during the Iron Bowl – laughing with our family, everyone getting dressed up in their Bama gear (dog included), enjoying boiled peanuts to snack on, and my aunt doing her dance and cheer when Bama scores.  Strive to create new traditions with your friends and family that ensures it isn’t just a game.  Let the Iron Bowl be more than a game but rather an opportunity to share in memories that will last a lifetime.

So I’m taking my lessons (and some humble pie) and moving on from this year’s Iron Bowl.  I proudly sported my Big Al pillow, houndstooth bag and Bama t-shirt through the airport on the Monday after the game.  And I look forward to watching my Crimson Tide play in a bowl game.

Roll Tide Always!

Miracle on 38th Street

My car was loaded down with clothing and two trucks full of my furniture were following not far behind.  I was making another move - another big change for me.  This time from the corn fields of Illinois to Indianapolis, Indiana.  Excitement flowed through me as I marveled at the snow falling on my windshield.

I pulled into my new apartment complex and headed to the leasing office to pick up my key.  A friendly face was there to greet me at the door.  “Now Holly I need to caution you that there have been recent reports of break-ins,” Tarrie said.  She explained that the stories were not consistent and the authorities believed connections were involved.  Due to company policy, Tarrie was not able to give me much more information than that.  She assured me police lived on the property and would frequently patrol the area.  Tarrie also reminded me that my apartment was upstairs which was better for safety.

I thanked Tarrie for her honesty as worry began to settle in my mind.  When my friends arrived to help me with the boxes and furniture, I told them of the security scare.  They reminded me that I should always use caution and be aware of my surroundings. I agreed.  After all I have always been cautious and queen of locking doors.  I just didn’t want to feel nervous about the move when I had yet to step one foot into my new apartment.

I tried not to worry as we began the dreadful task of unloading box after box.  All the while though, the break-in story stayed fresh in my mind.  I did manage to get a good night’s sleep but awoke thinking about the break-ins.  There was lots of shopping to be done and I knew my worry would have to wait.    A good friend suggested traveling about one mile to 38^th Street for good food and shopping. I had a list and I was ready. I was not prepared for the miracle I would receive.

Every place I went people were so kind, so happy.  Starting with Red Lobster where the greeter looked sincerely happy to see me.  The waiter was attentive, fast and friendly.  Another waitress, with a big grin, gave me great directions to Pier One.  The Staple’s salesman was funny and kept saying witty things to get me to buy.  The woman at the check-out counter at Target thanked me for being patient while she learned how to work her register.  And the salesman at Office Depot – let’s just say I could not make a decision on office furniture and he did not seem to mind.  His patience was amazing.  Even the random man that approached me for money said please and thank you. 

After a day of shopping, I was no longer worried about my safety.  I was reminded that good people live everywhere.  I felt good about the change I was making.  I looked forward to the positive relationships I would build.  I became excited at the thought of making new friends.  My confidence in people was restored.  Worry no longer consumed my thoughts.  I was smiling inside and out.

On what could have been a stressful day of shopping and adjusting to change, I received my miracle just a mile down the road on 38^th Street.  

An Inspiration in Pink

She blew into the salon like a breath of fresh air.  Her smile was bright.  Her hair and make-up were flawless.  She wore tight fittin’ jeans that would turn men’s head.  High heel boots only made the spring in her step more visible.  And she was wearing the most gorgeous pink sweater.

Rose, my hair stylist, excused herself to hug her neck and take the load of pink sweaters from her arms.  They laughed and giggled about various things and off the lady in pink went.

When Rose came back I asked to see one of the pink sweaters that she was holding.  As soon as I felt the sweater, I knew I had to have one.  The material felt like a soft, warm robe that you would want to bundle up in every chance you got.

Rose explained she was selling more than just a pink sweater.  The proceeds from all the sweaters go to the Sharon L Bassett fund, a breast cancer foundation.  Rose had lost her own mother to breast cancer and I wasn’t surprised she was willing to support this special foundation.

What shocked me was the story behind the Sharon L Bassett fund.  The lady in pink, the one I thought was the breath of fresh air, had breast cancer.  She looked like she had life by the strings yet still was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. 

But Rose explained she was a survivor.  She had chosen to fight and make a difference with the discouraging hand life had dealt her.

The Sharon L Bassett fund helps provide transportation to breast cancer treatments for low-income women.  And Sharon herself was one of the women providing the transportation.  She was sharing her struggle and fight with women who were dealing with the same battle.  And she did this with a huge smile on her face that made you believe life was good.

I sat through the rest of my hair appointment thinking about Sharon and how her choice to make a difference has influenced and inspired so many.

Of course I left the salon with a soft, beautiful pink sweater.  But I also left with the reminder that one person can make a difference.  And every time I see that pink sweater in my closet or wear it, it humbles me that I am blessed with so much and it reminds me to find ways to help other people.

I challenge you to find ways to help others regardless of your situation. 

 The opportunities to give are unlimited:

·         A warm embrace

·         A prayer

·         A listening ear

·         A donation to a local charity

·         A hand-written note

·         Your time

·         Volunteering at your local shelter

And I hope you receive your own pink sweater, a special something to remind you that you can indeed make a difference!

Your Leadership Shopping List

‘Tis the season to give. And finding the right gift to give the people on your team can be challenging. Oprah Winfrey once said, “It doesn’t matter what the thing is; what matters is how much of yourself goes into the giving, so that when the gift is gone, the spirit of you lingers.” This is especially true for leaders. When you give of yourself you build character and credibility both for you and your organization.
Below are ways you can give this Christmas (or anytime during the year) that won’t put a dent in your budget. 

1. Acknowledge people everyday. A colleague of mine, Wayne Sellers, greets everyone with a handshake each morning. That few minutes he spends encouraging his staff is much more beneficial than one more cup of coffee or answering the emails waiting in his inbox. Too many people to make that work? Divide up by departments and appoint someone to be the morning greeter for each group.

2. Recognize important dates. Birthdays and company anniversaries matter. Add dates to your outlook calendar or palm pilot then set a reminder. Everyone likes to be recognized on their special day. And they will be impressed that you remembered.

3. Include people in decisions that affect their department. Listen to their concerns. Be open to their input. If it directly affects their department and you don’t have their buy in, the decision will most likely be ineffective anyway. Even if it is a mandatory policy, let their voice be heard. Sometimes just venting their feelings is enough to get people on board.

4. Acknowledge their work. Be specific about the things they do well. A simple pat on the back or hand written note can be powerful at building an employee’s professional esteem.

5. Learn more about others.  Their work style, their interest, and their family.  The more you know the easier it will be to lead others based on their individual needs.

6. Surprise them.  Unexpected rewards are great for building morale.  If people finish a project on time and under budget, have Friday jean day or cater in lunch or let everyone leave early one day the next week.

7. Care. Really care.  If someone is having a bad day, ask them what’s wrong.  If a team member has to take medical leave, call to check on them.  When someone loses a loved one, show your condolences.

8. Leave your door open. This radiates an open door policy. When people believe they can come to you with any problems, issues or concerns, you open the door to know exactly what is going on in your organization.

9. Give people creative freedom. A team full of people who problem solve and brainstorm only your ideas will create a stagnate organization. Let them think ‘out of the box’ and watch your organization grow.

10. Be human. Admit when you make a mistake. Laugh at their jokes. Share stories about your family. People need a leader they can relate to.

You may be thinking a few of these ‘gifts’ are obvious. Perhaps you already give several of the ‘gifts’ on this list. Or maybe you found a few new ones for your shopping list. At the core of all of these gifts is you. Whether it is the ten gifts on this list or any of 100 others give you this holiday season – and make it a habit the whole year through.

A Yellow & Green Christmas

It was a Saturday afternoon where I was learning how to bake persimmon cookies.  And not just any persimmon cookies but Grandma Mary’s recipe.  She was eager to teach and I was amazed at how she never had to measure anything. 

This was my first Christmas away from my family but Grandma Mary had a way of making her farm feel like home.  While we waited for the cookies to bake we shared stories of Christmas’ past.  Her favorite Christmas story is one I shall never forget.

There was an extra box left under the tree and Mervin agreed that Grandma Mary should open it up.  She knew immediately the present was for her and didn’t waste time tearing off the wrapping to see what was inside.  As she opened the lid to an old shoe box there inside was a pair of tap shoes.  Not just any tap shoes.

Mervin had taken a pair of Mary’s shoes and added taps to the bottom.  The shoes were painted John Deere green complete with yellow laces.

Why John Deere green tap shoes you may wonder?

Apparently Mary had mentioned she would like to tap dance.  It became a standing joke with the family.  And what other color should a farmer’s wife tap shoes be but John Deere green. 

Mervin paid attention and gave Grandma Mary a gift that would make her smile for years to come.

After the last batch of cookies were out of the oven, Mary had a surprise for me.  She asked that go in her closet and pull out the shoe box on the top shelf.  I immediately wondered if Grandma Mary had saved those tap shoes.  We opened the box together and there they were – John Deere tap shoes.

I couldn’t believe she still had them.  Mervin had passed away ten years ago but that didn’t matter.  Those shoes were a reminder of him and his thoughtfulness to her.  Grandma Mary confessed that the tap shoes had always been one of her favorite gifts.

Not long after Christmas Grandma Mary had to start dialysis and eventually went into the nursing home.  We joked about her getting well so she could put on her John Deere tap shoes.  Each time I mentioned the tap shoes she would smile regardless of how bad she felt.  Grandma Mary never did get to tap dance again but I am confident she and Mervin are tapping together this Christmas.

A Home for the Altima

I arrived at the corporate office to find Donna (our HR Director) with a huge smile on her face and I was eager to know why she was in such a great mood.  Turns out, Donna was getting to pick up her brand new SUV this week.  Her Nissan Altima was still working but had high mileage, a dent from where she hit a pole and didn’t want to claim it on her insurance plus she really wanted a vehicle with more room.   The new vehicle was beautiful and had all the bells and whistles. I could tell Donna was in love.  We discussed all the miles and memories we had all the years of driving the Altima for work trips.  When I asked what she was getting for a trade in, Donna hesitated then admitted she wasn’t going to trade in the Altima after all.

Angie (our co-worker) and I immediately started to lecture Donna about not having that old car just sitting in her driveway. Donna likes to keep things longer than she should and we knew they would probably give her $1,000 trade-in on it.  Donna adamantly said she couldn’t just trade in a perfectly good car because she knew there was someone that needed it. “But you have to pick up your car in two days.  How are you going to find someone to buy your car in two days? Just trade it in,” I said.  Donna fired back, “no you don’t understand.  My family friends sold me their older vehicle to me for $250 when I was a single mom and that car got me to and from college every day.  I had a decent vehicle for school, for my son and it was a blessing.”  Well I had to admit that was a great story and the car would definitely help someone in need.  Angie promised to try to help her find someone to sell the car to and I told Donna to call me when she was driving her new ride and it we left it at that.

Donna called me on Friday morning asking if I was traveling towards Princeton, Indiana but I was actually heading in the other direction.  When I inquired why, Donna admitted she still had the Altima and was going to have to drive it to Princeton (she lives in Indianapolis), find a friend’s house to leave it at and pick up her new car.  I apologized that I couldn’t take her but secretly was glad the old Altima wouldn’t be sitting in her driveway.  She promised to call after she figured out what she was going to do with the Altima and was driving her new car.

After about 4 hours into my drive, Donna finally called with an update.  Her friend Christy had recommended she call her insurance company to see if she qualified for accident forgiveness.  She could pay her deductible, get the car fixed and put the car on a local lot in Princeton that will sell the vehicle for her and take their commission cut.  I thought it was a great plan but I could tell Donna still really wanted her car to go to someone in need.  “Just go call the insurance company and see what they tell you and call me back,” I bossed.

About an hour later Donna called back and said I would not believe what all has happened.  She called the insurance company and did qualify for accident forgiveness which was great.  “I will only have to pay the deductible to get the car fixed and Shelly (insurance agent) has someone who needs my car,” Donna said.  Shelly’s young son and daughter-in-law have two children and share one vehicle that is only a two door.  The Altima is four doors which would make it easier for them to get the children in and out.  Plus the daughter-in-law just registered for college courses at Vincennes University and they were going to have to figure out how to manage with one car.  Shelly then asked how much Donna wanted for the vehicle.  Donna was only asking the costs of the deductible which when Shelly looked was $250, the same price Donna paid for her first car.  “Donna I just can’t believe this.  God knew you wanted to share this car with someone in need and he found a way just one hour before you pick up your new car.” I was shocked.  Donna said, “That’s not all Holly.  The couple getting the car is Gabe’s cousin on his father’s side.” (Gabe is Donna’s son that was taken too early from her in a car wreck as a teenager). 

I couldn’t catch my breath.  Donna said she was in between awe and crying her eyes out.  We hung up the phone and I started to cry.  Donna had no idea what she was going to do with the Nissan Altima.  She just knew she wanted to give it to someone in need.  But the amazingly cool thing is God knew all along right where that Nissan Altima would end up. 

The old Nissan Altima became a Christmas miracle to one family and a Christmas blessing to Donna.  May your Christmas be full of giving and miracles!