My heart skipped a beat when my niece, Mary Stewart,
confirmed she would be attending Troy University. Troy University was my Alma Mater and I knew
it would be a great fit for her. The
college provided a smaller more intimate atmosphere for learning, had a
beautiful campus and was close to her home.
I also knew that she would want to go through Sorority Rush. Having pledged Kappa Delta while at Troy, Mary
Stewart would be my legacy for Kappa Delta (KD).
A sorority legacy is defined as a woman whose specified relative has been a member of
the sorority in which
the young lady desires membership. Typically, a sorority only counts a
mother or grandmother as a true legacy. And
her mother was a Phi Mu at Samford in her college years which meant Mary
Stewart had true legacy status with Phi Mu sorority. Did I mention I was a KD?! As the aunt, I knew I didn’t “technically”
meet the criteria but it did in my heart.
Because I knew I would never have a little girl, this would still count
as my legacy as I would be sharing and passing on my love of Kappa Delta sorority.
Now even though I really, really,
really wanted this legacy for myself, I thought about how hard this must be for
Mary Stewart. Both Phi Mu and KD
sororities existed at Troy University. She
had to feel a tug to please her mom and me.
When she came to visit and even in text, I made sure to tell her that
this is four years not mine, to follow her heart and ultimately, I want her to
be happy regardless of what sorority letters she chose to wear. I truly meant all those things I shared with
her AND I still had hope Mary Stewart would be a KD.
College move in day and sorority
came quickly, it seemed, from when Mary Stewart decided she would go to Troy
University. I was filled with
butterflies and excitement for her all week long. It brought back this feeling of nostalgia for
all the wonderful memories and friendships I had made. Even though I knew I wanted her to be that KD
legacy, I tried to prepare myself that she may feel at home somewhere
else.
My husband, son and I got to Troy
late on Thursday night and stayed with one of my best friends (also a KD),
Joanna. Friday was the final day of Rush
parties which meant I could finally see Mary Stewart that evening. I could hardly wait to see her dorm, hug her
and find out how the last day of Rush went.
We got to the dorm room to pick Mary Stewart up and I knew almost
instantly that KD was not her first choice.
It was just a feeling I couldn’t shake, and I asked her point blank. She was so sweet and immediately went to
apologize. She shared Phi Mu just felt
like home to her. In that moment, even
though I was sad, I knew Mary Stewart made the decision that felt right for her
and not one of obligation to either her mom or me. I tried to reassure her it was okay, and I
loved her. I reminded her again that
this was her time to shine in college, not mine. Her happiness was ultimately what counted.
After dinner and a golf cart ride,
I dropped Mary Stewart off at her dorm and told her I would see her on Bid
Day. I got back to my friend’s house and
fixed her Phi Mu gift bag. Luckily, I
was smart enough to know to buy both a KD and Phi Mu gift just in case it went
either way. I crawled into bed with
Lewis and began to pray about how I would handle the next day – Bid Day. Bid Day is where the girls receive their
invitations to join a certain sorority. Because
Mary Stewart was a true Phi Mu legacy, I had no doubt she would receive an
invitation from Phi Mu and run up the hill to their sorority house. Typically, family members wait at the sorority
houses and are there to see the girls run to their sorority houses with their
new sisters.
I got up and got ready to go to Bid
Day. I put on the green dress I had
always planned to wear (Kappa Delta’s colors are green and white). I got Lewis dressed in his Troy gear and we
headed to the KD house before the Bid Day festivities began. Several KD sisters, who all knew my niece was
pledging, asked if I was going to go over to the Phi Mu house. I knew I needed to, but I honestly was
wavering as to what to do. A part of me
wanted to go to celebrate with my niece yet a part of me wanted to feel sorry
for myself. The thought of going, in my
green dress, to a sea of girls in pink (Phi Mu colors) left me feeling less
than confident. I didn’t know the girls
there. I also wasn’t sure if I could
keep all these emotions in check since they were all over the place – happiness
for Mary Stewart and sadness for me.
As the excitement continued to
build outside and the clock got closer and closer to time, I saw Lewis out of
the corner of my eye flirting with one of my KD sisters. Watching the smile on the face of my child,
it hit me that I was setting the example for him and for my niece. Even when we don’t get what our heart
desires, we still must be happy and celebrate others. I grabbed Lewis’ hand, Mary Stewart’s
present, said my goodbyes and headed to the Phi Mu house. We got there just in time to see Mary Stewart
run to her new Phi Mu sisters with the excitement of a kid at Christmas. I watched her mom, who wanted to be surprised
as to what she pledged, sob happy tears when she realized Mary Stewart followed
her legacy. The emotions of all it was
quite overwhelming. Lewis and I
congratulated them both, gave hugs, and even took photos with my green and Mary
Stewart’s pink. One of Mary Stewart’s
new Phi Mu sisters came up to guide her and her mom to the house. I knew it was my cue to leave and let them
enjoy this moment together.
Lewis held my hand the entire way
back to the KD house and I let my tears flow.
Even though it was the right thing to do, it was still so
difficult. The right thing often isn’t
the easiest, right?! The happy emotions of watching Mary Stewart and her mom
share that legacy bond and the sadness for me that I would not ever have that
legacy, was a lot to process. But it was
a much-needed reminder that the legacy I want to leave is about way more than
my sorority letters. The legacy I want
to leave is about rising above disappointment, showing love even when things
don’t go my way and celebrating others’ happiness. Mary Stewart may not be wearing my sorority
letters, but my hope is she will be proud of the legacy I am creating for her
and for my son to follow. A legacy not bound by letters or colors and solely built on always choosing to the do the right thing!